“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away.”
It’s taken me years to become the woman who I am today. And I mean that in all aspects of my life, things have changed and improved. I used to be so unsure of myself and things happening in my life, but as of late I am confident in saying that I’ve finally gotten a grasp on who I am, what I deserve, and what I want to become.
Taking a closer look, I’ll start from the inside and work my way out. This past year I have taken a lot of time to work on shaping my thoughts to be more positive and encouraging. I’ve looked into different methods to help with that process as well – meditation, therapy, journalism, and self-reflection. All of which have had a serious impact on my thought process. I have learned that even with all my insecurities, and trust me there are (were) tons, I still have managed to acquire a big ego. Now when I first was told this/learned this, I was a bit taken back. Because how can one have a big ego but be filled with insecurities? And after dissecting what exactly both of those mean, this is the conclusion that I came to. In my heart I know who I am and what I am; so therefore I am confident and have a big ego in what I can offer. But the way others view me doesn’t always reflect the way I view myself; therefore making me insecure about what I am and who I am.
That being said I’ve made the choice to push myself in being more positive about who I am. Just because one person may not like something about you, does not mean that it is a flaw. I’ve continuously trapped myself inside of this bubble of trying to please everyone around me – whether it’s in the workplace, personal relationships, friendships, etc. And while it’s not a bad thing to be a selfless person, I’ve come to realize that putting yourself first, is sometimes more necessary than you think. You have to look out for you just as much as you look out for other people, if not more. So circling back to my ego, I know that I have a good heart, I know that I am a nice person, and I know that I truly value the relationships I have with everyone. But if something is detrimental to who I am as a person, I’ve just made the choice to no longer tolerate it. Negative energy can really take a toll on you in the long run. So surround yourself with people who love and care about you. People who focus on the positives rather than the negatives, and I guarantee you, you will be happier in life, and with yourself.
A while back I did a post on self-confidence and mentioned that I was learning to love the way I look and embrace how I was created. Since the beginning of the year I have been really working on getting my body to look the way I want it to look. If you know anything about me, you know that has ALWAYS been a struggle of mine. Through working out, eating healthier, and just taking better care of myself (part in thanks to being ill and having to make some life changes, look how God works lol), I have come a very long way. While I still have some ways to go, I have never been more confident in my body and the way I look as I do now. Well…minus junior year in high school but that doesn’t count because it didn’t last long lol!
Truth be told people will tell you all day everyday, “looks don’t matter.” But nine times out of ten they are lying to you. Looks may not be everything, but they are a solid foundation for who you are as a person. How you appear is how people view you before getting to know you. And I’m not saying that you have to be skinny, thick, short, tall, or whatever you classify as “gorgeous” – I see it as if you take care of yourself and present yourself in a positive and strong way, than no one can take the power of beauty from you. If you need to wear make up, wear it. If you need to lose weight, do it. If you need to get a weave, buy those bundles. But don’t sit around and feel sorry for yourself because you don’t look like everyone else in magazines and on social media. Half of that shit is pure editing anyways. Love who you are, just the way God made you. And if you don’t, only you have the power to change it. Carry yourself with confidence. Embrace your beauty, inside and out so that you can shine and be recognized as the queen that you are meant to be.