Advice Part Two : Why Do You Ask For It?

Typically whenever I write a blog post I always send it to either one of my sisters or one of my best friends. Why do I do it? Because I need advice. Which leads me to adding this second part to my previous post last week.

Why do people even ask for advice in the first place? 

Personally, I rarely ask people for deep meaningful advice. I talk pretty openly about my life with people who are close to me. If I find myself going through a certain situation or dealing with something, nine times out of ten the person who I am sharing this information with will offer up some type of advice. Not saying it’s unwanted (even though I may not have asked for it), sometimes I just like to talk things out. When I’m vocal about what I’m going through and what’s happening in my life, I can usually talk some sense into myself and solve my own problems…or so I like to think. Like just now, I may have told a fib — maybe me talking to people about my life and being so open is my subconscious seeking advice from others. Hmm…that’s a thought.

But back to the point of the post – why do we ask others for advice? Are we searching for some sort of approval? Are we looking for someone to talk us into something? Are we looking for someone to talk us OUT of something? Do we actually really need advice, or are we just vocalizing our circumstances so that we can boast, brag, or inform others? Like seriously, what is it? Here are some ideas…

Number one…insecurity. Surprisingly as selfish and self-absorbed as our society is, I still find that there is a hint of insecurity in everyone. Everyone is seeking approval in some way or another from someone else. People love to be noticed. People love attention. But no one truly likes bad attention…unless you’re just really that desperate, but I’ll save that for another post. When we ask others for advice, if it is coming from a place of insecurity, we are looking for that reassurance. We want someone to give us a genuine and honest opinion about whatever it is that we are coming to them with, so that we feel better about ourselves. So that we become more confident in what we are doing, what we are saying, and how we are living. Prime example…y’all know I am severely insecure (or I used to be, a lot has changed…another different post). So me going to friends and family asking for advice on my posts is not because I don’t think it’s good – or I don’t like it. I just don’t want to look like an idiot and sound dumb to the whole world (because yes, in my head everyone reads my blog, and if you don’t…you suck). So…there’s that. I care what people think (too much).

Number two…selfishness. This is the ‘I’m asking you, but I’m not really asking you’ type of advice. The world revolves around you baby. There is always that one person that wants to tell you any and everything that they are going through. Not because they are truly looking for advice, because quite honestly even if you gave it to them they probably wouldn’t listen because they already think they know everything and can do no wrong. You could have this person come to you with a problem that they are going through, and in your mind you’re thinking ‘oh okay, well they are seeking advice’. Nope. Wrong. They just want attention. They want you to know what they are going through, who they are going through things with, why they are going through things. And God forbid you give some sort of advice that makes them realize they’re either wrong or an idiot – then I bet you a dollar and a pickle that they’d find some way to flip it on you and start giving you that unwanted advice that you didn’t even ask for. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Number three…need for authority. Something to think about – why does our society feel the need to have people tell them what to do? Why do we confide in others and search for them to give us information that we could very well find on our own? Yes, everyone goes through different things. Yes, it’s nice to hear someone’s perspective on a situation you are going through if that person has already gone through it. But why do some people hold off on following their own gut in search to just hear it from someone else. Here’s a little personal (maybe too personal) example for you. I was in a relationship with someone and I knew in my heart that it was not a healthy relationship (not the first time I’ve been in one of those, another post, another day…wow I have a lot to write about). Anyways, it was an emotionally abusive relationship, and like I said, I know I didn’t need to be in it. Knowing that I am (was) insecure and already didn’t like myself very much, I didn’t need to be with someone who made me feel even worse about myself than I already did. But did I go anywhere? Nah. It took me a while of seeking advice from others (everyone basically just telling me to do what I already knew I needed to do) to actually get my life together and see that wasn’t how I wanted to live my life. Why did I just need to hear it from someone else? Who knows…clearly I have some sort of weird need for authority, even though I hate being bossed around.

So there you have it…next time you find yourself in a situation where you are seeking advice from someone, ask yourself – why am I asking this person for help? Do you really need it? Are you just trying to vocalize something? Is this really the right person to be asking?

Oh and one more thing, don’t doubt yourself baby. Have more faith in YOU. Trust me…you will be much more happier. ❤

p.s. shout out to my ex if you’re reading this and knew I was talking about you. No hard feelings lol 🙂