Advice : It Ain’t Always Good

Advice : guidance or recommendations concerning prudent future action, typically given by someone regarded as knowledgeable or authoritative.

All advice, is not good advice. Let’s just start with that concept. Typically when a person finds themselves in a situation where they are going to another person (a friend, family member, significant other, etc…) they are genuinely seeking help and/or input from an outside source – whom of which that they trust and can confide in. Now this can go many different ways depending upon the person and depending upon the situation. 

Scenario One – Selfish (Self-Serving) Advice
This is coming from someone who cares about you, but also probably cares about themselves quite a bit more. You have to be careful when taking advice from people with selfish intentions. While their advice may help you out in the beginning, in the long run you can find yourself in situations where they may either hold it against you, use you, or try to make it seem as though they did you a favor and you owe them something. Beware. 

Scenario Two – Uneducated Advice
Pretty self-explanatory but I’ll break it down for you anyways…basically this person has no idea what the hell they are talking about. You ever have that one friend who has gone through break up after break up or had bad things continually happen to them and they still try to give you relationship advice? Yeah, prime example of this one. Be careful who you take your advice from when it comes to serious situations. While your friends and peers may truly want to help you and think they are helping you, not everyone is the same. What works for them, may not work for you – or to keep it even more real, what they go through, you may not want to go through. 

Scenario Three – Unsolicited Advice
Nobody asked you. Seriously, nobody asked you. I feel like we all have that one friend that thinks they know the key to everything and how everyone else should go about their lives. When in actuality if you were to look at their lives and their day-to-day situations, something just ain’t right. Yup, why even do that to yourself? Good doesn’t always come from good intentions, so you can listen…but you don’t always have to act. 

That made sense right? There are plenty of other types of advice people can give you, solicited, low-level, high-level, the list goes on. But I feel like the aforementioned three pretty much sum it up. For me, I’m the type of person that if I am coming to you with a problem or a situation or a conflict, I genuinely want your advice on what YOU think is best for ME. Not what’s best for you, not what will make matters worse, not what you just think I want to hear, and surely not information on something that literally has nothing to do with what I’m going through. 

I’ve had to teach myself over the years that not everyone knows you like they think they do, not everyone knows what is really best for you in a given situation. So yes, it’s great to have people to talk to and people you can count on from a day-to-day basis. But also, take matters into your own hands and bring your problems to God more than you bring them to anyone else. He knows you best. You know yourself best. If someone is giving you advice and you feel it doesn’t quite fit your character, you don’t have to take it! No questions asked. 


Life Love Lessons

“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away.”

It’s taken me years to become the woman who I am today. And I mean that in all aspects of my life, things have changed and improved. I used to be so unsure of myself and things happening in my life, but as of late I am confident in saying that I’ve finally gotten a grasp on who I am, what I deserve, and what I want to become.

Taking a closer look, I’ll start from the inside and work my way out. This past year I have taken a lot of time to work on shaping my thoughts to be more positive and encouraging. I’ve looked into different methods to help with that process as well – meditation, therapy, journalism, and self-reflection. All of which have had a serious impact on my thought process. I have learned that even with all my insecurities, and trust me there are (were) tons, I still have managed to acquire a big ego. Now when I first was told this/learned this, I was a bit taken back. Because how can one have a big ego but be filled with insecurities? And after dissecting what exactly both of those mean, this is the conclusion that I came to. In my heart I know who I am and what I am; so therefore I am confident and have a big ego in what I can offer. But the way others view me doesn’t always reflect the way I view myself; therefore making me insecure about what I am and who I am.

That being said I’ve made the choice to push myself in being more positive about who I am. Just because one person may not like something about you, does not mean that it is a flaw. I’ve continuously trapped myself inside of this bubble of trying to please everyone around me – whether it’s in the workplace, personal relationships, friendships, etc. And while it’s not a bad thing to be a selfless person, I’ve come to realize that putting yourself first, is sometimes more necessary than you think. You have to look out for you just as much as you look out for other people, if not more. So circling back to my ego, I know that I have a good heart, I know that I am a nice person, and I know that I truly value the relationships I have with everyone. But if something is detrimental to who I am as a person, I’ve just made the choice to no longer tolerate it. Negative energy can really take a toll on you in the long run. So surround yourself with people who love and care about you. People who focus on the positives rather than the negatives, and I guarantee you, you will be happier in life, and with yourself. 

A while back I did a post on self-confidence and mentioned that I was learning to love the way I look and embrace how I was created. Since the beginning of the year I have been really working on getting my body to look the way I want it to look. If you know anything about me, you know that has ALWAYS been a struggle of mine. Through working out, eating healthier, and just taking better care of myself (part in thanks to being ill and having to make some life changes, look how God works lol), I have come a very long way. While I still have some ways to go, I have never been more confident in my body and the way I look as I do now. Well…minus junior year in high school but that doesn’t count because it didn’t last long lol!

Truth be told people will tell you all day everyday, “looks don’t matter.” But nine times out of ten they are lying to you. Looks may not be everything, but they are a solid foundation for who you are as a person. How you appear is how people view you before getting to know you. And I’m not saying that you have to be skinny, thick, short, tall, or whatever you classify as “gorgeous” – I see it as if you take care of yourself and present yourself in a positive and strong way, than no one can take the power of beauty from you. If you need to wear make up, wear it. If you need to lose weight, do it. If you need to get a weave, buy those bundles. But don’t sit around and feel sorry for yourself because you don’t look like everyone else in magazines and on social media. Half of that shit is pure editing anyways. Love who you are, just the way God made you. And if you don’t, only you have the power to change it. Carry yourself with confidence. Embrace your beauty, inside and out so that you can shine and be recognized as the queen that you are meant to be.